i have been rather occupied this few days. i refrain from using the term "busy" because i hate being busy and so "occupied" seems to be a rather appropriate term.

so i was at the opening ceremony of the JCLP on Saturday and it was rather awkward because i was apparently totally unfamiliar with everyone there. shawn being in UK and i didnt know any of the Rvians personally. so i went with a rather antisocial mood and was rather cold to people in my group shaking hands with me and introducing myself. anyway in the convention we had talks regarding an introduction to law, as well as what we were going to be doing for the next two weeks. not very enriching, because half of the things that the attorney general said, i didn't understand.

the next day i went to pearlyn's house to have steamboat dinner with the 4A people. it was kinda fun, because she had a karaoke set there and the steamboat was good. but i didnt stay over, because the next day i had to be thrown into the world of adults, learning and experiencing their stifling life.

and the reason why i would say its a stifling life is because of many reasons. you wake up at 7.30 get bathed and board the mrt train. but the MRT train is always packed and you feel like you cant breathe being packed like sardines in the train. and you cant scream also, everybody is quiet, minding their own stuff. then you drop out at raffles place, and everywhere is a squeeze. drop into the office, the cubicle seems to close in onto you and boredom envelopes quickly. then you last a few hours, squeeze with others at lunch again. drop back into the stifling office, then suffocate in the evening peak hour rush. it makes me think that being a student is so much better, but then again we dont get the freedom as adults do.

so this week i started jobshadowing at a law firm, and i must say that it is quite an enriching experience. to be able to step into an office and view how people work and what kind of life they lead is rather cool. maybe its the feeling of novelty, being able to go to places where i havent been before makes it a good experience. but i also was able to look at how lawyers work, what kind of work they do, and i say that it really isnt as interesting as what you see on tv. there's endless work and i admire their patience to stick to it for such long hours.

anyway im going to visit the supreme court tmr. and going to court with my mentor on thursday. im looking forward to it! a further sneak peak at the law profession and the friends i've made a JCLP are kinda fun too!

“ as each of us can live but one life, a choice must perforce be made.
We choose in reality without ceasing; without ceasing, also, we abandon many things.
The route we pursue in time is strewn with the remains of all that we began to be,of all that we might have become.
But nature, which has at command an incalculable number of lives,is in no wise bound to make such sacrifices "

[Henri Bergson - 1907]

you know something isnt right when you begin to feel fear shiver down your spine, not before taking a detour and striking you right in the heart. you know that it should not be happening to you, for you do not want any negative feelings to be in you. but to no avail. and you will be left with a heavy heart and a mind full of unhealthy thought that broods exponentially. the melange of emotions impossible to withhold and suppress. tears wouldn't help. insanity.

and after, left wondering why.

Reality is Absolute

Reality is absolute. That is, reality is not subject to your whims and fancies, prayers, wishes or miracles. If you ever want to be able to affect and change the world, you must act according to reality. Nothing else will change reality. Because consciousness identifies , there can be no consciousness without something existing to perceive. Nothing can have an identity (to be identified) without existing. The fact that something is identified necessarily implies its existence which necessarily implies existence in general. Thus there is no consciousness without existence.

sorry its just that i have been reading up on philosophy lately. and isn't it just profound! but profundity interests me. so well.

yes you can probably tell i've been to the bird park lately. and i think that has been the highlight of my holiday so far. with the exception of 2K chalet, when i was actually with people. but other than that, i feel like im a lone person.. and its not necessarily a bad thing is it. i mean, i like being alone. it lets you think about things. but then again thinking too much about things let you jump into delusional conclusions, often selfish irrational ones. but i shan't divulge.

i am at a loss as to what to post on blogger lately.. life has become so bland and tasteless. i may be busy, law program next week, lots of volunteer work coming up. but really, none of them is really worth mentioning. maybe its because i'm more guarded now, never really being able to share emotions, thoughts, feelings. there is this wall between myself and others that i put up. and even a blog will not demolish it.

this holiday is going to be an eventful one, albeit unexciting.

waiting, wishing wanting

i have been thinking quite a bit lately. about how true it is that we never really gain happiness, but that life is really just a constant pursuit for happiness. and then we never really win the race; we might catch up but then it is not long before you find yourself eating its dust. and right that, I'm light years behind catching up. somehow i just feel that i have lost the race before i even tried.

Albert Einstein once said, “Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.” Maybe if you were sad forever then it would stop feeling that sad because there's no happiness to be relative to.

reflecting now on how things could have been. it wasn't worth it in the end.

things change like the wind changes direction.

argh so long never update. been v busy ever since PW ended... so what was i up to?

first, BMW world to feed my photography lust as well as some quality time alone (is this ironic?)

after which i went to do some night landscape photography and then drinking. photos i lazy to post its on facebook anyway.

then i went out with different people, ranging from going KOI with classmates to a movie session with a completely random bunch of people to hilarious effect.

afterwhich, yesterday i dropped by to the Post-PW bbq at szefan's house. i didnt wanna go at first, but i was very free and nothing much to do at home anyway. haha one reason i didnt wanna go was that it was all guys... not that i wanna see girls but i just dont know THAT much guys. actually it felt kinda weird being there because i'm not close to 70% of the people there. something in me believes that guys and guys can never be really good best friends. that's just me. maybe my (ex)-PW members are right, im a ladies man? nah not that extreme. i hang out with some guys well enough.

and Saturday, today, at the time of post yesterday, i went to jurong bird park! i signed up to be a conservation ambassador for the park and it was the first training session of two. dont ask me why, because im just really really bored and well i could go JBP for free(exclude $20 training fee) and take photos too. i reached at 8.30 and came home at 6pm. mad tired. still went tkd. photos some other time.

lastly, lets end off with a stunning photograph. this is how well you can portray boredom, narcissism, skill, technology, looks(handsome), loneliness, and of course myself in a photo. amazing.

sorry, my blog isnt like what it used to be two years ago. life is much more carefree now and there are less things for me to worry about. which equates to less emo talk, more factual boring stuff. at least its less melancholic.

not before i knew how much i had to lose

i look around me and all i see are fears. how much does it take to be able to pick yourself off the floor again and open your heart once again?

Best part of the song:
"This is me praying that this was the very first page
Not where the story line ends
My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again
These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon
I was enchanted to meet you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you"

can i make this song a MUST HEAR?

<

buy my lens please!! lol i just need the cash.

Everytime Taylor Swift has new songs, i will take time out on the bus/train listening to the lyrics and break them down. To realise how much one is able to relate to them.

Last night I heard my own heart beating
Sounded like footsteps on my stairs
Six months gone and I'm still reaching
Even though I know you're not there
I was playing back a thousand memories baby
Thinkin bout everything we've been through
Maybe i've been going back too much lately
When time stood still and I had you.

Come back come back come back to me like
You would you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside til I came out
Come back come back come back to me like
You could you could if you just said you're sorry
I know that we can work it out somehow
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now

whats life without regrets? for me i've had plenty. too much to absolve actually.
but if this was a movie i wouldn't write this now.

i thought i figured out the ending,
but baby what about the ending.

okay this new album rocks. i swear it does.

"You and I walk a fragile line
I have known it all this time
But, I never thought I'd live to see it break
It's getting dark and its all too quiet
And I can't trust anything now
And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake"

- Taylor Swift in "Haunted"

for all you tone deaf people who say her songs are all the same, Korean pop is always good crap.