turn back time

Broken Strings

Let me hold you
For the last time
It’s the last chance to feel again
But you broke me
Now I can’t feel anything
When I love you,
It’s so untrue
I can’t even convince myself
When I’m speaking,
It’s the voice of someone else

Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it’s not enough to make it all okay

You can’t play on broken strings
You can’t feel anything that your heart don’t want to feel
I can’t tell you something that ain’t real
Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us
Running back through the fire
When there’s nothing left to save
It’s like chasing the very last train when it’s too late

Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it’s not enough to make it all okay

You can’t play on broken strings
You can’t feel anything that your heart don’t want to feel
I can’t tell something that ain’t real
Well the truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before
But we’re running through the fire
When there’s nothing left to save
It’s like chasing the very last train
When we both know it’s too late (too late)

You can’t play on broken strings
You can’t feel anything that your heart don’t want to feel
I cant tell you something that ain’t real
Well truth hurts,
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time
It’s the last chance to feel again

i just woke up.

reached the airport at about 4.15
den my sis checked in her luggage
had to entertain everybody that came to send her off
then at 5 sth she went through the gate.
and it was the last i would see of her for 5 months now.
not counting webcam conversations la.
and its not fair she gets to celebrate 2 new year days.
one is singapore time
den when she gets to america for transit is another new year day?
LOL.

i saw today at the departure gate people waving goodbye
and i made me think.
how ive always took goodbyes for granted.
and i realised i never wanna say goodbye.

turn back time.
go back to how it was before.

see your face in my mind as i walk away

back from 2K chalet
i just got home
den decided to blog
cos i already typed my whole post out liaos

came back from chalet one night earlier because my sis's fligh is 6am in de morning
must reach airport at 4 am.
i was thinking i could have stayed until tim and take a cab to de airport
but i didnt
cause i thought if i left earlier i could spare everyone some space.
yeah in anyway you infer i meant it.

chalet was hmmmmm
okay fun
2Kzers are always fun
but i lost alot money in blackjack
plus the stupid killer training yest
my whole body aching like hell
so go home can rest too:)

okay you dont have to read anymore.

its so damn tiring trying to get into someone else's head
trying to figure out what's going through their minds.
no one seems to be able to do it anws.
and same goes for the others that could walk ten miles in your shoes
go through all you had been going through
but never see the tears shed in the journey
but never see what it does to you
but never know how it feels deep down inside.

of course.
what am i talking about
you cant read one's mind and thoughts.
they gotta let you in
you gotta be ready to accept it.

i always known it to be so simple and blatant
how happiness could come so easily
but never did i realise that with that,
hurt comes as easily.
never thought it'd be so complicated.

the difference between heartaches and heartbreaks is simple
blocking out heartaches is simple
the pain gets away sooner or later
but when your heart breaks,
you shatter.
try to piece it back?
the terrible lines of truth and reality is so glaring and obvious.

but even if it were to break into a thousand million pieces.
each thousand millionth piece of my heart would still live and love fully.

wow sometimes youre daydreaming so well you think all so impossible could happen.
then reality hits you so fucking hard.

who ask you to read-.-
i was typing this on de mrt on my phones notepad so i wouldn't forget what i wanted to type.
it is my deepest thoughts expressed in prose
not what i want to say to you.

gtg sleep
wake up at 3 again:|
post pics of airport and maybe chalet next time.

happy birthday leslie.
1 day left till 2008 is just memories.
a year i'll never forget.
a year i wished i made better choices and decisions in matters.
a year of regrets.
a year of fun.
a year of happiness.

i need a time machine

happy boxing day!
i bet many dunno what it is for
but xiaopang taught me
hahahas
it is for opening your presents gotten during christmas!
not like i have any:|
LOL
and did you know that if you open your eyes wide and dont blink at all
you eyes WILL pop out?
ouch.
so dont try ar.
damn i am so lame

i spent the whole day at home studying and doing homework
cos only me and my dad was at home all day
i couldnt possibly play all day-.-
so all i could do was do hw and stuff to convince my dad that i did my work
so he would let me go for chalet.
and i asked him today
and i didnt get any negative answer leh!
though it always the neither yes or no answer
always must make me figure whether he implied yes or no-.-
heck he never denies anyway:)

my 2nd sis is going off to canada for 4 months on the 31th!
exchange program at the university of waterloo?
and because its the early morning flight at 6
i cannot stay at the chalet for the last night
hahahas
so good lei 4 months no need see my sis
LOL i mean huh
sorry lor im like that de.

all i want for christmas is you.

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is...
You

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you
You baby

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I don't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeers click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
Ooh baby
All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me...

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is...
You

All I want for Christmas is you... baby (repeat and fade)


MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone.
my chemical romance sings this one nicer
but the vid sucked.

how long has it been raining for!?
since i woke up it has been raining for like till now?
geesh rain made training totally boring
coach came and talk and talk and TALKED only
sit until i buttache!
but at least training ended at 1130 and we went vivo to eat
not vivo la
de harbourfront interchange there the hawker centre
eat till damn full luh.
after that we went shopping at vivo
yes SHOPPING!
can you like imagine a whole bunch of guys going to every(almost) shop to look at the stuff?
yeah but it was fun
and i bought my hoody and a black belt from topman
leslie bought the belt too cos it was cheap:)
nicky wanted to buy!
haha not enough money.
then we shopped shopped and ended up at adidas
play the table soccer there with this really cute small boy
who was plain good at it luh
my first time playing table soccer leh
it was fun:)

got home at 4
tried out my hood
then went house downstairs to alter my school pants
damn expensive luh!
broke-.-
cos i tapered them
so very expensive
gawd its gonna come out of my own pocket luh:|

then my aunts and uncles and cousins all came at 6
it is some "christmas" party
without the turkey ham and everything western
but instead beehoon fried rice and some roasted pork rib plus more more.
haha so now my house is crowded
later still have log cake to eat!:)
and a huge double chocolate brownie the size of my science tb!

and im damn lazy to transfer the pics.
hees.

he opened his eyes, looking for answers, but all he could ever see were clouds that covered the sky like a bruise

never wanted this

we won
i cant remember the score
was it 82-77?
but bottom line is we won.
against de hosts for the competition leis
so proud of ourselves
it feels great to just play ball and forget everything temporarily
and it was totally rough play luh
jiajun almost fought with their player.
and they were like thrash talking and taunting and stuff
and i dunno but i really felt like picking a fight
i don't believe i'd lose anyway
and i'd love to really beat the crap out of someone now.

match ended at 2 plus and i was damn tired already
didnt even sleep well last night
slept like it 2am?
its 2 a.m. feeling like i just lost a friend
den woke up at 6.30 again without an alarm clock
grah
den couldn't really get sleep anymore already.

i wanted to go home but the bballers were like " go lar dont like that leh"
so went with them to lot 1 lor
didnt regret it
cos the bballers are plain fun
and they are like the only ppl i can share my troubles with
and they'd listen.
ate subway
when "shopping" at popular and i bought another book.
something else to immerse myself in.
left at 5 sth
took train with leslie back home
he told me things i dont really would agree with
taught me certain things
however im not that easy to talk reason with yea
but at least its worth listening isnt it.

so i got home and tried to do work
couldnt stand it
den went to sleep.
woke at 7
skipped dinner cos i was damn full.
and then im here now
filling in the damn blank just to keep my mind occupied.


Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.

But people are people,

And sometimes it doesn’t work out,

Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.


and everytime it cuts me deeper.

tell me why.

I took a chance, i took a shot
and you might think i'm bulletproof, but i'm not
you took a swing, i took it hard
and down here from the ground i see who you are

rv bball lost again...
by three points
against greenview secondary
crap larh.
bball bball everyday
last whole week mon to friday was bball
den this week mon and tues got match
Wednesday is a guaranteed "killer" training by coach as he promised
and then is Thurs Christmas?
and friday another training.
i had enough!

and how the hell am i supposed to tell my dad i have chalet for de last three days of the year?
and den before the last three days there's also a tkd chalet?
which i definitely will not stay overnight in.
this holiday really passed too quickly.
i didnt even do things that i really wanted to do.

once bitten twice shy.
so how am i supposed to stand up again
now that i have fallen so hard.

you all don't know how it feels like to be invisible
its as if you're transparent
nobody senses your presence.
i only just knew that i really have been on the outside all the while.

like shadows in a faded light
oh i'm invisible.
i just wanna open your eyes
and make you realise.

if we dont believe everything will change
it won't.

i take a step back, let you go

i told you i'm not bulletproof

now you know.

condenscending.

yay its friday finally
after five days of bball
a break!!!!
two more matches for de henderson cup left
and i cannot say i am de most tired person
because he must be yithong.
hahas.
he played so much and had to cover chee how's place too
yeah so a well deserved break for him.

and today was de friendly match agaisnt BP!
gawd our prcs are plain imba?
hahas.
watching dem play really made me think it would improve our standard
LOL.
but of course there will be discrimination!
and their actions are totally hilarious luh!
like how coach said 明白吗?
and ONLY the both of them said 明白! very loudly
so damn funny luh
and out of place.

me xiaopang jiajun alyssa and alfreda went tiong bahru plaza today
they wanted to buy uniform so i pei-ed them
LOL
they buy uniform is SUPER LONG la!
so damn fussy and everything
try also try until so long
hahas.
and i bought another collar pin because i think i lost de one i bought previously lol.
and thanks to their dragging and everything
i just got home at 5pm
so i bet im gonna tio scolding later again.
everytime like that=.=

we live our lives for others!
for people like our parents.
dont you feel its like they are trying to groom us into what they couldnt be?
doctors lawyers teachers anything.
but come on man.


every bump in the road i try to swerve.
every fallen piece i try to glue back.
every single tear i try to catch.
but people are people.

yikes no link!
anws.......

You have a way of coming easily to me
And when you take, you take the very best of me
So I start a fight cause I need to feel something
And you do what you want cause I'm not what you wanted

[Chorus:]

Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray
And I stood there loving you and wished them all away
And you come away with a great little story
Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you

[Repeat Chorus]

You never did give a damn thing honey but I cried, cried for you
And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you
(Died for you)

Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Every smile you fake is so condescending
Counting all the scars you made
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you


and im that mess of a dreamer.

i sat there on the bball court waiting for sw and watching them play bball.
it was so reflective and refreshing
but i hate the breeze in my face
it makes me feel so.... REAL
so does the heat of the sun on your skin
reminding me that im there
when i really don wanna be there
im wishing i could wish it all away.

calvin came to coach us today
because coach wasnt free
and he taught us offense and defense
he said something like you cannot control offense but you can control defense
yeah i realised that was quite true.
then i figured.
wasnt it like saying you can control wad people give to you no matter how hard
and that you cannot control what you give to people?
if we see things from a different perspective that it really changes.
bottom line is..
you want the ball in your court always.
yeah and thats not always in basketball only.

i took a step back
but it doesnt work that way.
it doesnt work my way
it has to work both

outside

I didn't know what I would find
When I went looking for a reason, I know
I didn't read between the lines
And, baby, I've got nowhere to go
I tried to take the road less traveled by
But nothing seems to work the first few times
Am I right?

[Chorus:]

So how can I ever try to be better?
Nobody ever lets me in
I can still see you, this ain't the best view
On the outside looking in
I've been a lot of lonely places
I've never been on the outside

You saw me there, but never knew
I would give it all up to be
A part of this, a part of you
And now it's all too late so you see
You could've helped if you had wanted to
But no one notices until it's too
Late to do anything

[Repeat Chorus]

So how can I ever try to be better?
Nobody ever lets me in
I can still see you, this ain't the best view
On the outside looking in
I've been a lot of lonely places
I've never been on the outside


argh it auto plays
heck.

we won today
against commonwealth
by over a dozen points i think
and i played
despite my hand injury
cos i was too desperate to play ball again.
well for once we won
like this whole year we haven won in a single competition yet?
except the friendlies that is.
i guess we didnt wanna lose anymore huh.

anyways congrats to rv bball for finally winning a match
and good luck for the remaining ones.
and B'DIV!
we have the 中国老s

and there's training tommorrow
den another match on thursday
den a friendly match against bukit panjang govt high?
on friday.
so its another whole week of basketball
and yeah its gonna be fun
and tiring.

i'm sorry.
saying it before its too late.
paranoia getting the better of me.

安静了

there's another match for de Henderson cup tmr
agaisnt Anderson.
I damn wanna play!!!
but my hand still hurts a little now and I bet I can't shoot cos its so damn weak.
but I still wanna play.
we'll see tmr den.
it sucks sitting at de sidelines watching everythings thats happening
and not being able to help at all.
isn't it always like that huh.
always when you wanna help most
something or somebody denies you.

I wake up every evening
with a big smile on my face
never feels out of place.
and youre still probably working
at a 9-5 pace
I wonder how bad that tastes.
LOL.
how apt huhXD.

CHRISTMAS IS COMING SOON..
and I haven been getting presies.
shit.
so I I dont get presies, forgive me k!
hahaha

I watched the simpsons on chn 5!
The Simpsons are such a cool family huh.
hahas
just because I dont care doesn't mean I'm not listening- Homer Simpson.

Take That

Take That rocks like mad!!!
love them!

Just have a little, patience

I'm still hurting from a love i lost,
I'm feeling your frustration,
Then maybe all the pain will stop,
Just don't be close inside your arms tonight,
dont be to hard on my emotions

(Chorus)
Cause i, need time,
My heart is numb has no feeling,
So while im still healing,
Just try and have a little patience,

I really wanna start over again,
I know u wanna be my salvation,
The one that i can always depend,

I'll try to be strong, believe me,
I'm trying to move on,
It's complicated but understand me,

Cause I need time,
My heart is numb has no feeling,
So while im still healing,
Just try and have a little patience,

Yeah, have a little patience, Yeah

Cause this scar runs so deep,
Its been hard,
But i have to believe me,

Have a little patience,
Have a little patience,

Cause i, i just need time,
My heart is numb has no feeling,
So while im still healing,
just try, and have a little patience,

Have a little patience,
My heart is numb has no feeling,
So while i'm still healing
just try and have a little... Patience

old old song but its damn nice

heres their newest song!


Today this could be, the greatest day of our lives
Before it all ends, before we run out of time
Stay close to me,
Stay close to me
Watch the world come alive tonight
Stay close to me.

Tonight this could be the greatest night of our lives
Let’s make a new start,
The future is ours to find
Can you see it, can you see it in my eyes
Can you feel it now, can you hold it in your arms tonight
Hold on
Hold on,
Hold on
Hold on (Tonight)
Hold on
Hold on

Oh stay close to me (Hold On)
Stay close to me
Watch the world come alive tonight
Stay close me

Ooooooh
Hold your head high, (Hold On)
Arms open wide
Yea the world starts to come alive when you stay close it me

Today this could be the greatest day of our lives
Today this could be the greatest day of our lives

Oooooh
And the world comes alive
And the world comes alive
And the would comes alive
Oh oh oooooh
Stay close to me (and the world comes alive) hold on
Stay close to me (and the world comes alive)
Watch the world come alive tonight
Stay close to me (Hold on)
Oh stay close to me and the world comes alive
Stay close to me and the world comes alive

Watch the world come alive tonight
(stay close to me) oh oh ohoooo

is their album out here?
i wanna get it! :)

darkness in the night I'll find that light for you.

back from bball chalet!!!
tired tired
as usual it was de bath 1 time in two nights and no sleep routine
LOL
but have to sleep this time because there was a match on thur
I also didnt play!
because of my lower arm which I bet is fractured.
hurts like mad can!
much better now but still weak.
and can you believe it we lost by two stupid points.
it wasnt worth losing at all luh!
I think it was bad decision making and lousy shooting that we lost
grahhh.
sure must be because I wasnt playingXD.

BBALL chalet was de usual stuff except this time chalet room got smaller
but nicer
because of a glitch that led to us not having our room even though we paid for it
so jj had a refund of 500!!!
hahas. return us.
whole chalet was psp ps2 and later wii
play play play games only luh!
oh and betting!
made a bit money for once!!!:)
and prank calling too which was absolutely hilarious.
its fun with bballers.
very. :D

if I said so you wouldnt believe.

much better than me

i just got back from the bdae dinner
it was at Vienna at United Square
and it was 38.00++ per person
not 40++ as i said earlier
still
we had 19 people
all family members of course
aiya what can i expect much from buffets right
but there was lots of expensive food
like lobster, crayfish, oyster, abalone etc.

pics later.
because my sis went out with the rest of my aunts and cousins when i chose to go home.

after long moments alone and some tears
it didn't take me long to realise
that
我不曾是你的男人
是吧。

if you can
start thinking bout me.

dreamer dreams he never dies

oops didn't update yesterday because I didn't have de time.
met up with jj and yt at 4 because there was bball trg and coach's hse
then we ate subway.
went out look at de skies.
still raining.
den go arcade see because we had time.
den yangjie called to say training was cancelled
so it was damn boring luh.
made me go all de way to cck carrying three balls and saying its cancelled.
den in the end at 6 we went out and de rain had stopped we immediately called ppl back to train:)

it was fun luh.
bball is always fun.
and it felt very satisfactory because coach spoke well!
so perhaps I might get into de b div team.
if I keep it up that is.

i forgot what it feels like to go out knowing I'll be meeting you.
I don't ever tell you
this distance seems terrible.

today is de 7th!!!!!!!
time flies.
we are not really far from where we started.
sorry sorry sorry.

later tonight I'm going to my sis's bdae dinner which is at some buffet restaurant.
which price tag per person comes at 40++ ??
so I guess it shall be food and pictures galore for my blog

are you holding back?
like the way you do.

I am.

i dont ever tell you

today came two prcs from china
and they are really tall
and good too.

so i heard coach wanted to put them into de team next year
meaning i would have to get out ba.
his exact words are “原因很简单，你看猷翔和leslie两个，那里有比他们强？“
so i guess i should just give up huh
im two heads shorter than dat taller prc
but hey
i like proving people wrong.
though this seems like a impossible task
but i do have better stamina and experience than them.
aiya anyway basketball is passion.

i love my basketballers
i just love hanging out with them
we go through tough trainings together
enjoy stuff together.
and they dont ever deny helping you when you need it most.
so it is heartening eating out with them twice a week:)
and deciding where to eat during training.

why do i feel so warm when my heart's cold?
why is my face wet when it's not raining?
why do i feel lonely when i'm surrounded by people?
why?

I pictured you and my heart loves the view.

I'm blogging with my phone because I am lazy to turn on my computer and type.
and its damn boring to turn off the comp
with nothing to do.

yesterdays training was completely exhausting!!
everybody was damn sianned out
and the damn sun didn't make it any better too..
worst of all
the canteen wasn't open!
so we only had plain tap water to drink
and I was complaining: I need sugared drinks!!:|
zzzzzzzz.
so I came up with de idea of going carls jr after trg
just to buy the cup and free refills
I love the free refills!!!
but it looked damn immoral just buying de cup for de refills
so I bought fries and onion rings to share lo.
den we went kopitiam to eat because we were all too poor to afford a carls jr burgerXD.

then theres training on Friday again
without drinks again:|
thank god next week theres no training.
because theres BBALL CHALET!!
I should try to cut down on spending there!!
cos I always over-gamble there.....

I'm getting used
I'm getting used.
but there is no ever way I'm going be totally comfortable
no way.
not when I need you so.

heard of the rocking chair analogy?
its like a rocking chair.
it gives you something to do
but it doesn't get you anywhere at all.

say it. say it.

giving me hell

I wake up every evening
With a big smile on my face
And it never feels out of place.
And you're still probably working
At a 9 to 5 pace
I wonder how bad that tastes

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell

Now where's your picket fence love
And where's that shiny car
Did it ever get you far?
You never seemed so tense, love
Never seen you fall so hard
Do you know where you are?

Truth be told I miss you
Truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth the damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself
Where did it all go wrong?
But the list goes on and on
Truth be told I miss you
Truth be told I'm lying

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth the damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell

Now you'll never see
What you've done to me
You can take back your memories
They're no good to me
And here's all your lies
If you look me in the eyes
With the sad, sad look
That you wear so well

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that's worth the damn and treats you well
Then he's a fool you're just as well hope it gives you hell

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell (hope it gives you hell)
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell (hope it gives you hell)
When you hear this song and you sing along well you'll never tell
And you're the fool I've just as well I hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song I hope that it will give you hell
You can sing along I hope it puts you through hell

i love this song!!!!
nice nice tune.
hahas.