year 6 is kinda taking its toll on me. just 2 months into the year and i am feeling the strain and the stress. though its not like i am coping pretty badly, but it still kinda sucks to know that i will be taking an exam that could potentially decide my future in 9 months time. it is the feeling of impending doom that strikes me the most. i mean who likes to feel unprepared and insecure? thats why i will have to work damn hard to make sure i am prepared. and everyone will have to work extra hard to.

and hey, feeling unprepared and insecure is kinda like how we would feel getting into a relationship. you never know how it is going to turn out. and sometimes, i feel that when people get into a relationship, they just dont ever think past the day. everything happens in the now, in the present and no one ever dares venture into the unknown. the future. maybe it is because they are afraid to think of it? taking one step at a time is often so much easier. but before we know it we would have become so accustomed that we dont know we are stuck in an uncomfortable situation. this kinda applies to alot of situations.

i love observing people's manners and actions online. now that the entire socialising experience can be taken online, it kinda offers a whole new topic of sociology. viewing how people act on Facebook is kinda like seeing how they want to be. afterall, facebook allows you to choose how you want to portray yourself to other. you choose which photos you want of you tagged, what you want people to see on your wall and directly affecting other's impression of you. perhaps it is due to the voyeuristic culture of social media, but facebook makes us trim and shape our online persona whichever way we want. in the end, it will turn out to be more of a performance of self rather that a presentation of self. as researcher Ashley Wollam said about Facebook being "a mutual masturbation of egos rather than a mutual interaction of interests".

and it is also interesting to see the things people say online, compared with the things they say in real life. more often than not, they are more honest online that with real people. and sometimes i wonder why that is so?

Finding happiness is like finding yourself. You don't find happiness, you make happiness. You choose happiness. Self-actualization is a process of discovering who you are, who you want to be and paving the way to happiness by doing what brings you the most meaning and contentment to your life over the long run.

-David Leonhardt

in the pursuit of happiness.

i am sure feeling in this mood currently :( why is it a sad face!!
i dont know why i am feeling down, maybe because there is just too much stuff in my life to worry above love. to me, love is irrational and i only want to accept things that are rational.

but i miss that feeling :(
i wanna say that something is "ours"