Here's what i wrote in my lit essay: "such a discontinous mélange of thoughts and emotions seem to relfect a rather unstable and deranged mind for the thoughts do not appear to flow in a logical and linear order."

So i looked at it and it hit me that it is exactly portraying what im getting through now. Why do they call it portrait if what is show in a portrait is a fact whereas when something portrays another its not often a fact? I rather like taking portraits of people. Maybe its named a portrait because its what is seen through the eyes of the photographer. I rather like photography too. I like it enough to give up basketball to join photography, even though it had it implications. You wouldnt understand what they are. I had to face teammates, teases, teacher's attitudes(hey alliteration!) and i may have gotten what i wanted, but i also lost a significant part of what i had. But its my choice and nobody is making me decide against it. Why? Why is it my ideas dont flow in a straight line today? Tell me what it reflects.

I learned that i can live alone and can do it sufficiently well too. This makes me think of the song Jar of Hearts : " i learned to live, half alive". Maybe thats it, i have learned to live without another part of myself. But the next line reads: " and now you want me one more time".

There, it seems im "deranged". My speech and thought dont seem to flow fluidly. My emotions a terrible state of flux. The word "mélange" means a mixture, a medley of something. It sounds rather food-sy doesnt it. Shawn said he will use the word for the lit essay in promos. I said : "haha." its an interesting word.

No really i dont like talking as though i have coded speak. Because really nothing is coded really. I do not see the point of placing something really abstract and you have to figure it out yourself like most blogs. When i want it to be abstract it would be. But now its explicitly not the case. Take it face value. For i cant quite place a price on what these words actually are worth.